Although they hired Charlotte’s husband Harry as Big’s defence attorney, even he can’t get him off the charges and is expecting him to go down for three years.

In preparation, Carrie is helping Big develop a newspaper column called Sex in the Slammer.

But Big’s imminent incarceration and financial embarrassment is not Carrie’s major loss.

The stress of the last turbulent six months has caused Carrie to start chronically overeating.

Her weight balloons and, tragically, her feet swell to twice their usual size.

She can no longer fit into any of her 300 pairs of beloved designer shoes.

For Carrie Bradshaw, that is a major loss.

SAMANTHA HAS A SEX CHANGE

Samantha and Smith were the TV show’s most unlikely couple.

She’s a nymphomaniac cougar with commitment issues, he’s a wholesome pretty boy 20 years her junior.

And yet these two turn out to be the most enduring love story of all.

At the end of the series, Smith proved his love by standing by Samantha throughout her cancer battle.

In return, Samantha moved to the West Coast so that Smith could pursue his acting career.

After a year together, Smith revealed that his greatest performance was convincing Samantha that he was straight.

The trouble is, despite being gay, Smith still loves Samantha.

He loves everything about her… except her gender.

He can’t help it.

He likes having sex with men.

And Samantha still loves Smith too.

There was only one possible solution if they were to stay together – Samantha had to have a sex change.

But it wasn’t too bad – after all, Samantha’s been acting like a bloke for years.

Now Smith and Sam are a perfectly happy couple… until the newly male Sam begins to wonder if he doesn’t prefer women after all.

CHARLOTTE HAS LOTS OF BABIES

Charlotte realised her ultimate ambition when she became a mum by adopting a foreign baby at the end of the show.

She was delighted, if a little confused, to be a Christian raising a Chinese baby as a Jew.

Not wanting her Chinese daughter to be alienated from her heritage, Charlotte set about merging Chinese and Jewish traditions in her home.

She instigated a strict Kosher Chinese regime in the kitchen and hired a driver from Beijing to teach her and her daughter to speak Mandarin.

As often happens with couples who try for years to have a baby then finally adopt, Charlotte then fell pregnant naturally.

With twins.

Initial joy led to concern when the babies arrived nine months later looking distinctly Chinese.

Harry should have suspected something when the only Mandarin phrases Charlotte learned from her driver were ‘give it to me’ and ‘that’s so good’.

After intensive marriage counselling, Harry and Charlotte reconciled and had a fourth child.

Probably Harry’s.

Charlotte is now writing a Kosher Chinese cookbook with such delicacies as Sweet and Sour Matzo Balls.

She calls it Woks in the City.

MIRANDA HAS ISSUES

In the final TV episodes, Steve convinced Miranda to move out of Manhattan and into Brooklyn with their toddler, Brady.

This was the equivalent of convincing a whale that it’s a good idea to relocate into Japanese fishing waters.

Miranda became miserable in Brooklyn.

She and Steve had a second child.

Unfortunately, both kids inherited their father’s intelligence and their mother’s hair.

On top of that, Steve’s increasingly ga-ga mother, Mary, moved in too.

Mary thinks it’s 1944, Steve is General Eisenhower and the dining room is the Normandy beaches.

Miranda, understandably, spends increasing amounts of time at her law firm, especially after Mary tried to knife her having mistaken her for Field Marshal Rommel.

Miranda rarely sees the other girls.

Partially because of work and domestic issues, partially because she cannot stand listening to Charlotte prattle on about how musically gifted and multilingual her children are.

Miranda’s children’s biggest achievement is learning how to belch the alphabet.

Illustration: Gavin Reece