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"I close my eyes to see my children's smiles."

FAMILY LIFE WAS A HAPPY NEW BEGINNING FOR DANIEL LIPPIATT, 33, BUT EVERYTHING CHANGED WITH THE BIRTH OF HIS SECOND SON...

I received the phone call that changed my life forever in April 2004. It was my mum. ‘The children are gone. Meghan’s killed them,’ she sobbed. Meghan was my wife. The children were my two gorgeous sons.

I had met Meghan, then 27, four years earlier and knew almost immediately she was The One. We had a whirlwind romance, and the icing on the cake was when she gave birth to our son Silas in Christmas 2001. Two months later we got married in America, where Meghan was from, before settling over there. The next 18 months were amazing. Meghan was such a natural mum, and in spring 2003 she fell pregnant again. I wanted my family to meet our children so we decided to move back to the UK.

We settled in Carlisle, Cumbria where we had our second son, Myles, in December 2003. But it was as if something had changed inside Meghan from the moment he was born, she seemed detached and I’d catch her staring vacantly out of the window.

I wasn’t too worried. I thought it was just the baby blues. Moving country had been a massive strain on Meghan. In America, she’d been surrounded by family and friends, but over here she just had me. I was working all the time and I think that trying to cope with a young child and a new baby just got too much for her. It was only later that I found out she’d started to hear voices telling her to hurt the children.

I was relieved when Meghan was diagnosed with post-natal depression as I thought it meant she’d get the help she so desperately needed but when social services got involved, it tipped her over the edge. Deciding that some time in America with her family was what she needed, Meghan took the children to the airport. Much as it broke my heart to stay behind, I couldn’t afford to go too.

But three hours later the police turned up at my door, saying there was a problem at the airport and I needed to go with them. When we got there, Meghan was in the car with the boys. I got in and suddenly we were surrounded by police. When social services had found out she was leaving the country, they’d thought she was trying to kidnap the children.

‘I just want a rest,’ she told the police. ‘Why can’t you let me leave for America?’ After a five-hour stand-off in the car, Meghan was sectioned and put on medication and the children were taken into care. Social services told me they didn’t think Meghan was a capable mother, but I was determined to stand by my wife and fight for our children together.

Over the next few weeks Meghan seemed to be getting better, but then social services announced they were going to send the children to live with her parents in America. We didn’t even get to say goodbye. Only one of us could afford to go over to see them, and Meghan pleaded for it to be her. She flew out to the US on March 15 2004. I was due to follow later, but I never saw my children again.

A few weeks later I got that phone call telling me my boys were dead. Images of Silas, two, and Myles, who was only four months, flashed before my eyes. ‘Please God, no,’ I screamed inside. But when I went on the internet and read the American police reports, I had to face the truth. She’d killed the boys. She’d tried to take her own life too but she’d survived.

I tried to detach myself from what was happening. It was the only way I could stop myself self-destructing. I needed to speak to Meghan. Shaking, I picked up the phone and dialled the number my mum had given me for her. By then, Meghan was in a psychiatric unit.

“Have you got a good lawyer?” I asked her. I’d switched to autopilot and couldn’t even bring myself to mention what she’d done to the children.

“Daniel?” she replied, but hearing her voice was too much and the line went dead. From then on, I had no contact with Meghan. I couldn’t face going to see her. I couldn’t even bring myself to go to the funerals. Being in the UK made it all seem
less real. I was struggling to hold it together as it was, but I knew that if I contacted Meghan again, I’d fall apart.

I could deal with it was by detaching myself from events. I found out what had happened from following the news coverage. I read that the first time she was left alone with the children after she got to America, Meghan suffocated Myles with a nappy and drowned Silas in the bath. She was convinced they were possessed by demons. I clung to the Fact that this wasn’t the Meghan I’d married – her illness had taken over.

Last December, Meghan was found not guilty of murder by reason of insanity, after her defence argued that she was suffering from severe post-natal depression. After a hospital check-up, Meghan was released.

I’ve had no contact with her since then, except for a letter she wrote to me around the time of the trial that I can’t bring myself to read. I don’t think anything she could say would help the situation. I just wish she had been given the help she needed, then this might not have happened.

In the months after the killings, my life fell apart. Unable to function in society, I lost job after job and finally became homeless. It wasn’t until recently that I found a focus in my life. I now work as a volunteer for the Independent Victims Helpline and London’s Royal Air Ambulance, in the hope that my experiences can help others.

It turns out that Meghan and I were never legally married anyway. A few months after the wedding, we’d received a letter saying that a form wasn’t signed at the ceremony, which meant the wedding wasn’t legal.

I try to think about and appreciate the precious time I had with my sons. I only need to close my eyes to see Silas’ smile, and it still makes my day.I’ve heard that Meghan’s admitted herself to a religious community in America. I’m not bitter or angry, I just hope she’ll get the help she needs.

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