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LOGGING ON FOR NO-STRINGS ENCOUNTERS HAS NEVER BEEN EASIER OR MORE POPULAR - WITH ONE IN NINE WOMEN ADMITTING THEY TRAWL THE NET IN SEARCH OG A BEDMATE. KATHRYN KNIGHT INVESTIGATES...

 

It's 2pm on a Tuesday afternoon.

For most of us, it’s the middle of the working day.

But for ‘Hottguy7’, ‘MrSixPack1000’ and ‘SexyxxPantz’ – to name but a few – work is the last thing on their minds.

Instead, these men are trying to arrange to meet me in a London hotel for an afternoon of ‘NSA’ (no-strings-attached) sex.

Welcome to the murky world of online encounters between bored men – most of them married or in long-term relationships – and women looking for a frisson without jeopardising whatever’s going on at home.

In the last few years dozens of websites, like Adultfriendfinder.com and Illicitencounters.co.uk, have been set up specifically for people seeking out extra-marital flings. 

Intrigued, I log on – posing as a London-based married woman in her 30s looking for some discreet fun – to find out who these people are.

By the following morning, there are 400 emails in my inbox.

I’m staggered by how ‘ordinary’ all these men seem.

Ranging in age from early 20s to late 40s, these are the kinds of guys you see in the pub, or on the street, or sitting opposite you on the train home.

They work in a range of jobs, from blue to white collar, and include doctors, lawyers, and IT consultants.

A huge number were perfectly open about the fact they had a partner at home.

But then many men, it seems, are able to separate their domestic situations from their fantasy lives.

Take 39-year-old James, who lives with his wife, Paula, and two young children in Devon.

“The women I meet online are more experimental than any I’ve had a regular relationship with, including Paula,” he says.

“She wouldn’t want to do some of the stuff I enjoy, so this scratches that itch.

"Just knowing a woman loves sex so much she puts herself out there is a turn-on.”

But make no mistake, it’s not just men who enjoy these undercover liaisons.

Lucy, 36, from Oxford, says she’s happier than she’s been in years after indulging in her first internet hook-up a few months ago. 

She has a 14-year-old son with her husband of 15 years, David, 41.

“It sounds clichéd but David works away and isn’t very highly sexed – we only do it once a month,” she says.

“I talked online for several weeks to my first and so far only lover.

"We swapped photos before I agreed to meet him.

"I wanted to know he was genuine,” she says.

“There was no emotional bond, so we could demand exactly what we wanted without embarrassment, as well as acting out our fantasies.

“I don’t feel guilty, and I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time,” says Lucy.

None of which comes as a surprise to Emily Dubberley, author of Brief Encounters: The Women’s Guide To Casual Sex.

“The internet offers instant intimacy – you can feel like you’ve got to know someone a lot more quickly because of the anonymous nature of the initial communication,” she says.

Emily maintains that if due caution is exercised, there should be no stigma to surfing the internet for sex.

But not everyone agrees.

Research by the American Psychological Association last year revealed that people spending 11 or more hours a week online in sexual pursuits showed signs of psychological distress, admitting that their behaviour interferes with other areas of their lives.

Meanwhile, Tanya, from Sunderland, urges caution for different reasons.

Married for four years to Phil, 32, she turned to the internet to seek out casual partnerships after becoming bored – but found that it has a dark side.

“It’s not for the faint-hearted.

"I’ve come across some real weirdos,” she says.

“Some use degrading, abusive language and email intimate pictures of themselves.

"Those are the ones you shouldn’t meet.”

Tanya always practises safe sex and tells a friend of her whereabouts, but admits it’s still risky.

As for her husband, it seems he’s the last thing on Tanya’s mind.

“Although our sex life’s good, being with one person bores me.

"If Phil knew, he’d be hurt, but probably not surprised.”

Her sentiments seem to be reflected by the men who contacted me through my ad.

"They love their partners, but they want a bit more – and they’re prepared to take risks to get it.

"Many of them didn’t attempt to disguise themselves, sending pictures like the ones above from their work email addresses, or giving me their mobile numbers.

After just a few hours of dipping my toes in this parallel universe, I can’t help thinking – just how many others are out there?

 

Have you ever dabbled in online sex? Do you consider it to be a form of infidelity? Are there any risks involved? What would you do if you found out your partner chatted online and met strangers for sex?

CLICK HERE NOW TO JOIN THE DISCUSSION

 

Additional reporting: Alison Palmer Photography: Jamie Hughes Hair and make-up: Soula Henderson

* All names and web names have been changed to protect identities