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REBECCA WALKER SPENT YEARS BATTLING HER ANOREXIA. A CURE ELUDED HER, UNTIL HER LITTLE SISTER FELL PREY TO THE SAME DISEASE. SHE TELLS US HER STORY…

By Susie Bowers and Judy Yorke

I felt sick as the waiter placed the pizza down in front of me.

Then I looked up to see my younger sister, Rachel, staring at her food in disgust.

‘Being thin isn’t important,’ I told her. But Rachel knew they were empty words.

‘Look at you, you’re thin yourself,’ she replied, and I couldn’t deny it.

I was 16 when I started cutting back on food.

Mum (left) had a lung condition and Dad worked long hours, so I had to help with the chores and take care of my five siblings.

That responsibility, together with exam stress, overwhelmed me, and not eating gave me back a feeling of control over my life.

I started skipping lunch and got hooked on exercise. I’d cook huge dinners for everyone, but nibble on a salad myself.

By the time I was 18, I’d dropped to 7st, and size 8 clothes hung off my 5ft 6in frame.

One evening I overheard my parents talking. ‘I think Rebecca’s anorexic,’ Mum said.

I’d always assumed that Rachel was too young to register it. To her, I was the perfect sister, she copied my every move.

When I went to Edinburgh University in 1999, I was eating only an apple and Bran Flakes for breakfast, fruit for lunch, and mixed veg for dinner.

I was worryingly thin.

By Easter 2000 I was down to 61/2st (left) and, with so little food inside me, had difficulty concentrating.

Then one night, my whole world changed. My mum called me at university and said: 'Rachel's stopped eating. She's copying you.'

Rachel was only 12 but she was apparently cutting down on food, saying that she didn’t want to be fat.

She was also over-exercising, just like me.

I felt horribly guilty. I’d thought anorexia was my problem, but it was hurting my little sister too.

I wrote to Rachel, pleading with her to eat. But, ironically, the guilt that I was feeling made me eat less.

I was running 30km a week, my periods had stopped and I was having severe stomach cramps.

In March 2003, I went home for Easter. I still weighed 61/2 st, but next to Rachel, I looked big.

At 5ft 5in she weighed just 51/2st. She looked so fragile.

When we were alone, Mum said: ‘If Rachel sees you eating, she will too. Take her out for a meal.’

We went out for a pizza. I felt hypocritical, but she’d always listened to me before.

I couldn’t admit everything, so I pretended my problems were in the past.

As we talked, I realised that the only way I could save Rachel was to save myself.

I’d been attending an eating disorders clinic in Edinburgh, but I still had a long way to go. When I got back, I threw myself into therapy.

At the same time, Rachel’s GP had also referred her.

We wrote to each other regularly, and we both opened up. She recovered well, with help from our family.

I found it harder and relapsed in 2006. Gradually, I realised I really did need to get well.

I’m 28 now and there’s still a daily battle in my head.

It’s like there’s my voice and the eating disorder’s voice, and I mustn’t let it shout me down.

I weigh just under 8st, the same as I was before all this began.

Rachel’s now 18 and she’s managed to beat her demons at the age when mine were just starting.

I’m really grateful for that.

 

For more information, visit www.lindabriggs.co.uk. Photography: Jamie Hughes. Hair and Make-Up: Oonagh Connor at Minx Agency