HIS NEW CHARACTER, CHEESY BUSINESSMAN KEITH LEMON, TAKES A GAP YEAR TO TRAVEL THE WORLD – BUT COMEDIAN LEIGH FRANCIS EXPLAINS WHY HE’D RATHER SURF CHANNELS ON HIS SOFA THAN WAVES ON A BEACH

IT'S not that I hate holidays, it’s just that I like my life, so I don’t want to take a holiday from it.

There’s always so much expectation. It’s like New Year’s Eve. People want them to be so amazing, the best ever – but they never live up to the hype.

I get pressure to go on holiday from friends, my wife, even my agent. I once ended up going to Ayia Napa out of season. It was cold. There was nobody there. It was rubbish.

I missed my dogs, my sofa, my telly. And the fact that I can grab a Coke from the fridge rather than a minibar that’s going to charge me three quid.

My wife Jill is the exact opposite. She loves every aspect of going away. She’ll be up until 3am deciding what to pack, then do a catwalk fashion show and ask me: “Do you prefer these black jeans or these black jeans?”

I’ll tell her I like the black ones.

I also hate the journey to the airport. For some reason we always book really early flights, so I’m so tired I feel sick.

Then there’s the waiting around at the terminal where I’ll feel compelled to buy something I don’t really need just because it’s cheaper than on the high street.

I don’t get excited until I’m actually on the plane – and then I’m just praying that we’ll land safely. Once we’re there, Jill will constantly tell me to put suncream on because I got really burnt one year.

I’m making my wife out to be a nag but she’s not – she’s the nicest, most laid-back and beautiful person I know. That’s why I pretend to be more excited than I actually am when we’re about to go on holiday.

Recently I’ve started enjoying them a bit more. I’ve loved going with Jill. We had a great time at a friend’s wedding in South Africa, where you can’t go out at night because apparently you might get mugged or murdered.

Our recent trip to LA was amazing too, especially when I discovered my credit card had been cloned and a chunk of money had gone from my bank account.

But everyone has to confront their demons at some point in their life, and I had to face mine for my six-part comedy travel series, Keith Lemon’s Very Brilliant World Tour (well, I’ve got to get a plug in for my new show, haven’t I?).

As you can imagine I did lots of travelling, and at the end I even started to enjoy it. Perhaps it was because it was the perfect combination of work and holiday.

And that’s the crux of it – I love what I do and don’t want to take a break from it. Even when I’m away I find it hard not to rant about new ideas for characters.

So this year I’m secretly hoping that Jill will get pregnant so we won’t be able to fly anywhere.

Then we’d have to stay at home… and I might as well get to work on the show I’ll be doing after Keith Lemon’s Very Brilliant World Tour.

Oh, did I mention it was on Tuesdays at 10pm on ITV2? Cha’mone mother plugger!

"CLICK HERE TO SEE SOME FANTASTIC SHOTS OF ME, KEITH LEMON, ON MY TRAVELS"

 

Photography: Joe Walters, Getty