My boobs arrived early.

They started to appear when I was 10, and I hated them. I was very sporty and sociable at school, but suddenly I was playing kiss chase with one arm self-consciously held across my chest, and that slowed me down.

It wasn’t something the chasing boys seemed too bothered about, but I was a competitive child and I was playing to win – not to engage in sexual congress.

It didn’t get any better when I hit my teens.

I regarded my breasts as an embarrassment, especially in ballet class where a teacher kindly pointed out that they were like “two pots of jelly trying to escape from prison”.

She was no kinder to the skinny ones (“you look like a hatstand in a tutu”), and so we learnt early that our bodies were there to be judged and commented upon.

Fabulous’ survey has revealed that women think they should be a size 8, whereas men would prefer them to be a size 12.

Men repeatedly say they like women to have a bit of a jiggle when they walk, so why are us ladies so obsessed with being hard and tiny? It’s clearly nothing to do with attracting men – it’s to do with pleasing other women.

Have you noticed that among all the vile, shouty people on TV telling you how to look, how to cook and how to f***, the only one saying “hold on, calm down, you’re fine as you are” is a man!

Gok Wan is leading the revolt against female self-loathing, and is a positive lone voice in a sea of bitches telling us we’re no good, all of whom are now banned from my Sky+ box!

Watching the first series of Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show go out, I thought I looked like a sweaty suet pudding in a wig.

But then a friend told me he fancied me in every costume (he is a lunatic, but I like to think of it as a moment of clarity), so I decided to be a bit kinder to myself.

Why don’t you try being a bit kinder to yourself too? The point is, men fancy you. Not all of them, but enough of them to make you feel very good about yourself.

So stop worrying about what men think of you, because most of them tend to focus on your good points anyway. They’re nice like that, and also they want to sleep with you, so they have their ‘booty spectacles’ on.

That’s the fun part. The not-so-fun part is running the gauntlet of female approval – and that includes your own.

The revolution starts here, ladies. There’s a lot of exciting stuff to be getting on with, so let’s not get bogged down with Botox, bums, boobs and bulls***!

 

Do you agree with Katy? Should women stop worrying so much about their weight and body shape? Do you think women are obsessed about their figures because of what men think or because of what other women think?

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Photography: Superstock, Worlds End/ITV