COMIC JUSTIN LEE COLLINS, 33, ON WHY WOMEN GO WILD FOR BOYS WITH BELLIES

Fat, hairy men everywhere, listen up. Your time has come!

Move over male models and Hollywood hunks, and put away your rippling abs and your bulging biceps. What women really want these days is a man with a belly, boobs and a beard.

There’s a new type of stud on the market, and well-proportioned gentlemen like me are the poster boys for this must-have breed of male totty.

I never had much luck with women when I was growing up. I was the shortest boy in class, and my hair was always wild and unruly.

I didn’t chat girls up because I never dreamt they’d be interested in me, and I’m still in shock that my wife agreed to marry me.

Back then, there weren’t many women who fancied small, tubby men with bushy hair. But now it’s acceptable to fancy a fatty.

For years, men have been saying they’d rather have a curvy woman to keep them warm at night than a stick-thin ice queen, and now it seems women have come around to this way of thinking.

The fact is, you can have a few lumps and bumps in the wrong places and still be sexy.

Women have realised it’s all very well lusting after David Beckham and his oiled loins, but what must it be like to be married to him?

Every time you fancied a curry, he’d shake his head with disgust. Get with a tubby guy and he’d have you down the local Indian quicker than you can say ‘vindaloo’.

With a real man, you can be the woman you want to be. If you want to pig out every now and then, go ahead. You’ll never have to worry about putting on a few pounds, because next to us, you’ll always look svelte.

And if you’re too tired to shave your legs before bed, we don’t care – just as long as you don’t mind our beards and back hair.

In the early noughties, women tried to feminise men. They encouraged us to moisturise, pluck our eyebrows, wear sarongs and check our BMI. Now we’ve come full circle and girls are lusting after grizzly, hairy men.

I may not have polished pectorals and tight buttocks, but I’ve got charm, personality and a whole lot of love to give.

Justin Lee Collins co-hosts The Sunday Night Project with Alan Carr tonight, 10pm, Channel 4.

Do you prefer a man with a paunch? Would you feel self-conscious around a guy who spent more time on his appearance than you? Are you more relaxed with a fun but tubby man? Would you feel less pressure to wax, shave and pluck if your bloke didn’t worry about how he looked? Should a man take care of themselves for a woman’s benefit?

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Photography: PA