I want him – but he’s already taken

I'm really good friends with a man at work. We flirt with each other and there is a real connection between us. The only problem is that he lives with his girlfriend of four years, although everyone in the office knows they are having problems and are likely to split up. Should I tell him how I feel? Ellie, by email

Toxic: Bite your tongue. He's the one in a relationship, so he has to make the first move – and unless you want to be viewed as a dirty little secret or a home-wrecking harlot, that move has to be him dumping his girl. Note: that's dumping, not "thinking about ending it". If he does not dump her, steer well clear.

All men in relationships go through rough patches when they feel unattractive. One known cure? Chatting up a workmate to prove you still have ‘it'. Don't be too down, though – you may have a real connection and he may cull her. But until then, keep schtum. When dabbling with a guy in a relationship, you have to realise that actions speak far louder than suggestive words.

Tantric: News flash: he probably already knows how you feel, which is why he's flirting with you. But just because he lets you bat your eyelashes at him over coffee doesn't necessarily mean that a break-up is on the cards. Men love to talk a big game at work, and he could be just venting his feelings or keeping his options open.

So feel free to drop hints, but steer clear of any overt moves – like declaring your love, then getting drunk and horizontal at the office Christmas party – until after you know that they've officially split up. Remember, if you hook up too soon and he then gives your rebound romance a P45, you'll still have to face him every day over the photocopier.

Q I want to have sex with my new man, but I wear a padded bra and I'm afraid he'll be disappointed when he realises just how tiny my boobs are. What should I do? Lisa, by email

Toxic: Quick – book in for a boob job that will probably ruin your life, but might make your boyfriend happy. Or, alternatively, pull yourself together. Yes, men like breasts, and size does matter… for a "Blimey, can't wait to tell the lads" millisecond. After that, a flat chest isn't a deal-breaker (and if it is, the man's the issue, not the breasts). He already knows you're not overly endowed – so maybe it's time to stop worrying.

Tantric: He likes you, he's gagging for it, and if he's lucky enough to get you naked, he won't care whether or not you have glamour-model proportions. It's not Zeppelin-sized breasts that men find irresistible – it's body confidence. So stand naked in front of a mirror and tell yourself: "I'm sexy and confident, and I have a gorgeous body." Repeat your mantra until you believe it. By the time you strip off, you'll be ready for action.

 

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